Dont practise your reading skills on this. Please.
I know i aint perfect. Far from it. Ive done tons of mistakes. Especially for being in this age.
Im not a beautiqueen. But still sometimes i look in the mirror and think "daaamn, that girl, she looks realy good", but yet sometimes i look in the mirror and cry.
I doesnt have that much selfconfidence, like most of you think i have. I just think, when i walk past or meet people "its better for me to get hurt for who i am then liked for who i am not".
I've heard people calling me names. And i act like i dont care about it, but the truth is that it hurts. I havent done anything to deserve those rumors. I never tell anyone about things ive done, its just male atentionwhores that think i have this big wall around me that they want to break. But i'll tell you what. Its already broken.
I dont want to play around with boys. I dont want a relationship eather. Cuz i know if something small whould happend in that relationship, it whould breake me, tear me apart.
I thought i was going to die after my last relationship. I could spend hours on the bathroomfloor, just crying. At first it was almost everyday i cried. Then it became almost once a week, then once a mounth. And now, still, after five mounth i can cry sometimes. Becous when something happends, all the hidden memorys and hidden feelings stream over me. But still i need the touch, the wormth, the love. But i cant seem to find anyone that could replace Him.
And "He" dont care at all. He got mad that i was seeing other guys, and thats why we walk past eachother and i hear "whore" comming out from his mouth. I cant even see the old him anymore. The Him that i was inlove with. This sounds realy desperate, but i think im still inlove with the old Him. But i just hope that im wrong. Becous all i feel for him is hatred. Fuck all.
I just. Dont. Want. My. Heart broken. Again.
Im not typing this becous i want anyone to feel bad for me, or for the attention. When i type here, i use to pretend that nobody is reading this. I just need to get all those feelings out.. Actully i dont want anyone to read it, its to intimate. Dont read it. Please.
Kommentarer
Trackback
